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The Journey

Everyone says it’s around the 8month to a year mark in a relationship where you start to get itchy feet, not having as much trust in each other, debating wether this is person you want to continue you, and most people’s relationships come to an end. 

There is no difference in the relationship that you have with yourself once you start your own journey to discover who you are. I have definitely hit that moment. 

I’m at the 10 month mark from being diagnosed with diabetes and really sitting down with myself and starting my own journey of self-discovery. Woah, I know what you are all thinking, Sam is starting to get super gypsy and spiritual on us. But it’s true, and some point during our twenties we all hit a moment where we need to sort our lives out and where we want to go, and getting diagnosed with diabetes created that moment for me. (Okay, maybe still a bit woo-woo). 

If you’ve followed my journey from the start you will remember I used to be a party animal. During my university years I was out every Thursday and Saturday night, and it got worse when I started working in hospo when I was out drinking every Sunday, Tuesday and any other night that someone else was drinking. 

I was a social butterfly, if I wasn’t out at a party I was in shenanigans drinking, if I wasn’t there I was out having lunch, or you could find me trying to be classy at Easy Tiger drinking cocktails. There was no a dull, or sober, moment in my life. 

Currently, my parents have more of a social life then I do. I spend my Saturday nights sitting in front of the fire with a cup of tea and in bed around 10 for a Netflix marathon. It’s a rare occasion if I have put makeup and a dress on. 

I always thought this was how I defined myself, a social butterfly who is outgoing, confident, and doesn’t mind getting naked and this is how myself and others always saw the real me. 

At this stage on my journey I’m not confident in myself and I’ve become quite the loner. I’ve said goodbye to a lot of friends that don’t see eye to eye with me anymore, and I’ve said goodbye to a lot of other things in my life that don’t make me happy anymore. 

It definitely is a positive change I’ve made so far by removing aspects of my life that don’t agree with me or make me happy and a positive person anymore. But it has left me feeling empty and it’s hard watching everyone around me doing things and getting involved with their friends and I’m sitting in bed. 

At the moment I’m not confident in who I am and I’m not confident on putting myself out there or where I am going. I’m at the stage where I don’t know who I am, and I’m not trusting myself to make the calls about where I’m going, I am just stuck in this place. 

I feel like I could stay in this place of negativity for a long time, doing the same thing every day and not pushing myself. But staying here isn’t going to help me reach my goals and dreams or make my soul happy. So I need to make a change and step into the uncomfortable area around me. 

I need to be able to find my own confidence without having to get drunk first, and it’s super scary but needs to be done! 

I’m shitting my pants but also semi excited to see how much more of myself and my old soul that I can discover. We need to live through some lows to reach a positive. 

As Hannah Montana said “ain’t about how far I get there, ain’t about whose waiting on the other side, it’s the climb” 

Love Always, 

Samantha x

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