diabetes, Nutrition

I am eating this because . . .

Nova rapid is a fast acting insulin, that lasts two hours to cover anything and everything that spikes my blood sugar

At first I thought by cutting out sugar and carbohydrates to very minimal that I would never ever need to use my short term insulin. (I was so stoked, only one injection in the stomach once a day)

But, that’s not the case (Waaah!!). Anything in the world can cause my blood sugars to spike or drop too low. Things like sleep, stress, exercise, my period can affect my bloods, even the temperature can cause my bloods to spike too high. It’s a bloody nightmare.

I could have a gossip girl binge on Netflix one hot summer night while on my period and eat perfectly and I’ll wake up in the morning with sky rocketing blood sugar reading and not understand why!!

I will then spend the next day upset with myself and feel guilty. Negative thoughts will go through my head all day “why are you doing this to yourself””you are going to cause yourself to lose a limb””I may aswell have eaten that chocolate cake last night if my bloods are going to be high”

It becomes a constant struggle with trying to manage my blood, failing and then beating myself up about it and eating chicken finders from Carl’s Jr. to try and feel better. Which then causes my bloods to spike and we go through the whole scenario again.

Emotional eating is the worst way to eat and nourish our body, and we all do it. If we are sad and just got dumped we turn to ice cream and don’t just stop at one spoonful we eat the entire container. Or we are angry and need to find a way to let it go so we drink a couple of glasses of wine. Deep down we are eating these foods, not because they will make us feel better but so that we can focus on feeling bad about the food and numb the real problem that was hurting us.

It’s a constant battle with ourselves because the next day we are still sad and upset but also feeling negative about ourselves and our body and we spiral deeper and deeper into negative thoughts and emotional eating.

I don’t know if every family is like this, but my family and friends are very closed about emotions. Sit around the dinner table and we will talk about sex and joke about dirty things, but not a single word will ever be spoken about our feelings and issues that are bothering us. Instead it is kept to ourselves and we hide in our bedrooms with a bag of biscuits.

Even in society we are asked my co workers or friends “hey, how are you feeling” and we will always say I’m fine, even if there is something bugging us. As a society we have been taught that emotions are embarrassing and it is best to hide them then to show people how you feel. Our children are growing up the same way, emotionally eating and not dealing with the real problems.

When I was first diagnosed I was embarrassed to talk about how I was about my disease. People would ask me and I would say it’s fine, hard but I’m fine. When I wasn’t, I was curling up in bed with a bag of peanut m&ms every night.

I finally snapped one day and just told someone how it was when they asked. “I fucking hate it, and I miss eating ice cream without being scared I might died” and in shock they didn’t run away but joined in my bitch about not being able to have ice cream. From that moment on I haven’t held back on my emotions when people ask, if they didn’t want to no they shouldn’t have asked really.

I obviously still fight with my inner guilt and emotions about not being able to control the external influence of my diabetes, its a work in process.

I also clearly don’t start rambling onto a shop assistant who asks how my day is doing to be polite. But if my friends and family ask I will tell them how I am feeling. Or if I really need to I txt my best friend and just send her 10 txts having a moan about something that has bothered me, and then afterwards I am fine and feel better.

Our friends and family are there to support us and our emotions, not that bag of double chocolate chip biscuits that will end up making us feel worse.

Nourishing our bodies with real food or doing something we enjoy like yoga, a run, or watching 5 episodes of gossip girl is much better for our health and mind in a emotional situation then any chocolate.

Next time your feeling emotional and reaching for the ice cream ask yourself “I am eating this because” and help figure yourself out from there.

Love Always,

Samantha x


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