Fuck 2015!

2015 can suck a fat one. Anyone else agree? I feel like I was jewed big time in 2015 and honestly am happy to see the end of the year and a brand new year.

I’m not a big believer in the whole “new year, new me” situation that occurs on January 1st. It leaves one day a year to change yourself, why wait till a new year to do that. However, I believe its a great opportunity to look back on the previous year, see what went right, what went wrong, and reflect on these experiences in the new year.

2015 started off great, I celebrated with my best friends in Pauanui with plenty of chocolates watching a movie when midnight occurred. From here I finished up at my previous job and moved onto becoming manager of a student bar. My dream job! I had previously worked there for 5 years and loved everything; the atmosphere, the people, helping little 18year olds that don’t know any better which shots to buy to get them the most wasted.

What a tease 2015 was being, it was just waiting for the middle of the year to test me to my limits.

August I was rushed into the hospital with diabetic ketoacidosis and diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. And from there it was all down hill.

I started to inject myself around 9 times daily, including a 24 hours insulin injection, and then short-term insulin for food and to bring my blood sugars down. My emotions were crazy, so up and down. I didn’t understand how I was suppose to feel about the diagnosis. I felt like diabetes was not a big deal, it’s not like I had terminal cancer.

All was okay, as I thought. I was semi positive. Diabetes is not a big deal, Im going to Thailand with my man for 7 weeks, I had my friends and family it was all good.

LOL JOKES!! 2015 decided to test me again.

October I quit my job. Diabetes had taken over my life and who I was by now. I worked 11 hours shifts from 5pm – 4am, woke up at 10am and carried on with my day. I was constantly tired, I could barely get out of bed until an hour before my shift started. So the job was the first thing to go.

Next was my entire life it felt. I had no motivation to do anything. Since I was 14 I had worked constantly, including trying to study and working 2 jobs. I have never had time in the day to do nothing, and now it felt like I had no purpose. Why get out of bed when you actually have no reason to get out of bed right?

I watched people around me suffer because I was getting so down on myself. I watched bae try his hardest to make me feel better when all I could manage was to shut him down, which then made him feel worse and drag him along with me. Diabetes strangely affects everything emotions, your body, your entire wellbeing.

Around this time i started to get my diabetes under control thanks to a low carb high fat diet. I worked with Caryn Zinn, a low carb dietitian, who has helped me through the understandings of a low carb diet while not getting myself back into diabetic ketoacidosiss. Side note: my blood sugars (HBA1C) entering hospital were 186, they are now 56

I started to see a psychiatrists thanks to the diabetic services in New Zealand. She helped me to see that I am letting diabetes control how I live my life, rather then letting diabetes fit into my lifestyle. She gave me little tasks every time I went to see her including checking my bloods infront of people to gain confidence, and writing weekly plans to see why I need to get out of bed each day.

Diabetes cannot be how I describe myself to people. Yes, it is apart of me but it does not define me

November then hit. I was still up and down with my emotions all the time, and now stressed my having NO money with LOTS of bills to pay and saving for Thailand. Thailand got pushed to further on down the year so I could save some money and afford to go, that was the first downer. Then bills got more and more, while not being paid. (Second downer). My partner was spending more and more time away from me, because being around me was to depressing. (Third downer)

So I moved home. Thanks to a big push from Joe, end of November I moved back to Napier with my parents and family. It was time to be around people that would support me and where I didn’t have extra expenses, like rent and food and everything else that goes with living away from home.

Finally near the end of the year everything was starting to look like it was getting better, which does give me high hopes for 2016. My bloods sugars are so under control that I do not use my short-term insulin for high glucose levels or food that I eat. I have also cut down my 24 hours insulin to only 18units a day, rather than the 24 units I had been taken. My HBA1C is getting lower and lower.

I am working 3 hours a week, so that for once I can concentrate on my studies and become a registered nutritionist and follow my dreams of having my own wellbeing clinic.

Yes some people may not be in my life in 2016, but people that can’t be there for you in the worst of times shouldn’t be there in the best times either. I also have glasses that I wear now, but I am repping the hipster nerd look.

Fuck 2015 ! You pushed me down, but I am getting stronger every day. 2016 is a year about pushing my limits, discovering myself and learning more and more about diabetes and who I am a person. And honestly I cannot wait to figure more out about myself.

I hope you guys also can use this time to reflect on your year, and keep pushing yourselves to follow your dreams, be different, and most of all be yourself no matter who that person is.

I cannot wait to see where this year goes. (Seriously, it can only get better lol)

Love Always,

Samantha x


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